When relationships are
turned into consumer goods—to be valued in terms of packaging and price—it’s
hard to make a final choice. Because, in a market, something better is always available.
For a price, though.
Misnomer I—Indians
are not lonely
Hindi cinema depicts the big family modelled after ‘hum saath saath hain’, always in a song and dance mode, in pursuit of the eternal bliss of a shhadi. Shaadi being the ultimate goal of an Indian’s life.
In reality, is the big Indian family a provider of support or, a behemoth that sucks up individuality and individuals?
Since cultural identities are shaped for global audience, not by cinema but, on OTT platforms, how is it that Indians are viewed in the virtual world?
Going by the most viewed and talked about show on Indian identity on Netflix, ‘Indian Matchmaking’, the whole world now knows, Indians too are lonely but they can find a panacea-- in marriage. Scores of elderly couples appear in the show, applauding the success of ‘arranged’ marriage. In its modern day avatar, a highly paid, globe- trotting matchmaker’s adventures are followed on camera, who is trying to fix a match for ten different candidates. The viewers are hooked to their screens that take them on ‘arranged’ dates fixed by the matchmaker in their plush homes, because in the Indian matchmaking, it’s not about the man and woman alone, presence of the family is a must.
Misnomer II—Young generation
is independent
Is it the 21 century Indian; independent, empowered and strongly opinionated, yet not able to decide on the choice for a life partner? You realise, most of them are approaching their 30s and despite living a fulfilling life, are hurt by loneliness. And finding a permanent life partner in the dating era becomes as difficult as deciding on the colour for the walls of your house. Choices are plenty and cultural accommodating is pressured more by the family, less by peer group. One of the guys, a jewellery designer, has met about 150 girls and has not liked anyone enough to settle down, another one is being given a deadline by his mother; he is looking for a girl ‘who is like my mother’. Most of them demand the girl to be ‘adjusting’. Obviously, the choice is difficult.
Yet, you wonder, why would an intelligent, highly successful lawyer like Aparna, working in the USA, need a matchmaker who relies on astrologers and face readers to decide the fate of her alliance? Scratch the surface and you find the young men and women are controlled by the demands of the market or, are overshadowed by domineering parents-- usually mothers-- who shape and influence their choices. They have built capacities to make money, travel the world but can’t zero down to make a decision on their life partner. Most of them seem confused about their expectations. Few develop cold feet even when they meet the Mr or Ms Right.
So, they hire a matchmaker of much less intelligence, a middle aged woman from Mumbai, Seema, to do what they are unable to do-- to find a life partner. Finding Seema is also like finding an astrologer or a face reader, whose decisions are more trusted than their own gut -feeling. Or, if at all they know what a gut feeling is like. They’d rather pay for this outsourcing.
Incidentally, matchmakers used to fix marriages in olden days when girls and boys, too young to make their own decisions, were left to the wisdom of their families, which were introduced by matchmakers.
Misnomer III—Indian society
has evolved
The fact that each one is, in fact, looking for love and stability is not able to articulate the simple fact despite high levels of education and accomplishments-- expectations revolves around how much money a person makes, their living standard and hobbies. Strangely, they all talk about hobbies with great passion.
Even in this one percent of the super rich class, made out to be the representatives of Indian society, women get a rough deal. Aparna, the 34 year old lawyer from USA, who wants the best for herself and doesn’t want to compromise on her demands is stamped as ‘difficult to please’ and of ‘negative vibes’, by Seema. Aparna likes to ‘evolve’, had been to 40 countries and is looking forward to explore the 41st, she rejects the guy who makes less money and is not ‘driven’; her mother calls him a ‘loser’. Aparna is a child of a single mother, who is judgemental and wants the best for her daughter. The tale of single parent’s children, overburdened by the suffocating sacrifices of their parent, is another subject, yet to be explored.
That, loneliness is a modern day reality, is dealt differently in a Japanese film, ‘Family Romance LLC’ (MUBI). It’s very different in texture and treatment from its Indian counterpart. Japanese society has found a novel way of dealing with loneliness-- by providing paid family members or companion for variety of reasons and occasions like wedding, funeral, birthdays etc. Like any other paid service, there are norms to be followed and there is honesty in dealings.
But human emotions go beyond a cartographer’s realm; a man paid to play the father of a teen- aged girl develops true affection and care for the child, which is reciprocated. In the world of paid for role play of relationships, a new reality emerges that was neither planned nor was meant to. The man who had been paid for playing the father starts looking at his ‘real family’ in a new light, as though every relation is a paid role play.
Both practices—of matchmaking in India or getting a paid relation in Japan-- stem from the need to come over loneliness in the face of social demands. The manner of exploration and presentation make the Indian web series ‘Indian Matchmaking’ and the Japanese film ‘Family Romance LLC’, representatives of the cultural norms in their society, albeit using different tones and shades.
While ‘Indian Matchmaking’ is hiding the truth of commercialisation of relations under the garb of marriages ‘made in heaven’ but fixed by a matchmaker, ‘Family Romance’ exposes the business-like reality of human relationships.
