Kaur is Singh

Kaur is Singh

What’s there in a name ? Well, I know it sounds cliché. Repeated ad nauseam, anything uttered by Shakespeare has become cliché. The fact of the matter is, when we need to drive home a point, big names help. Like clichés.
One of my ex colleagues used to get invites addressed to her under a gender she was not born with. Poor girl was named Harneet, and her last name was Singh. So, she became Mr Harneet Singh for all practical purposes, for those who knew her only by her byline.
Recently, a friend was showing pictures of his exceptionally pretty daughter. I asked, what is she named. Tejwinder, he said. What? Tejwinder for a girl? Yes, she is Tejwinder. Doesn’t it sound a bit masculine, I said, and then kept quiet seeing the sensitivity of issue involved. As more and more girls like to drop ‘kaur’ suffixed to their names, sure, Tejwinder will be kwon as Tejwinder Singh and her gender will be misconstrued despite her very feminine demeanor.
Imagine Sophia Loren being called Yul Brianer! How it will interfere with her feminine grace!
Names too reflect cultures. Perhaps martial races wanted their women to bear some masculine traits. So, the common names. I wonder, if many men would like to take women’s name. Mr Kusum Singh, or, Mr Komal Singh are hard to come about. Why is it so easy to deprive women of what defines them- their femininity.
Most of us were made to recite Jhansi Ki Rani poem as kids, khub ladi mardani… the Rani was immortalized for her masculine qualities. How many queens do we glorify for their femininity. God forbid, if kings had feminine qualities, they would be sneered at! Generations would deride such an effeminate king.
An intellectual friend of mine hates all Meera Bai bhajans, god knows why? Wonder, her total surrender is defeatist in his macho world. Like good men should not ‘cry like girls’, and when they show cowardice, they are to be reminded, chudiyan pehan rakhi hain kya? Implying, femininity is about weakness. As though, courage is only about bashing up a goon, or, fighting wars on the border. I have known some moustache twirling, spineless generals and some real courageous women who do not don moustache.

The wise old oriental cultures talk of striking a balance between Yin and Yang, the two forces that bring harmony to the world. Our own pantheon has created the amazing concept of ardhnarishwara. I had the opportunity of seeing ardhnarishwara Ganesha in one of the temples of Tamilnadu- the god of auspiciousness with animal head and a body that gives equal place to feminine and masculine features.